When God Breaks Your Heart

I'm sitting in the coffee shop watching an elderly man what looks like apply for a job at Mimi's Cafe (a restaurant here in Colorado Springs and probably elsewhere). He's wearing blue and white pinstripe overalls, reminiscent of a train conductor, over a button down shirt with chevy trucks from the 1940s all over it and sketchers shape up shoes. He has glasses, white curly hair and a white mustache that curls up at the ends.

I noticed his wedding ring on his left hand - and then his wife came over to see him. Her sweet southern voice let him know it was 5 o'clock and that maybe they should go. She walked back over to the cushioned seat to continue reading her magazine, and I glanced at her shoes. They are red, sparkly UGG boots. Something like a 21st century Dorothy from Kansas would wear. I marvel at how comfortable both of them are, where they are, and who they're with.

I've been watching this guy for the last hour while working on a wedding video.

I notice his concentration over the keyboard, typing with one finger at a time. The text on the screen is magnified by 5x at least, probably so he can see it in his old age (I'm guessing mid 60s to early 70s). To his left on the table he has a Spelling Dictionary, which has me thinking why? What is this guy's story?

I don't know for a fact so it is purely inference, but all of this together - his unordinary fashion, his slow moving on the computer, the dictionary, and applying for a position at a restaurant at his old age - makes it seem like he is a simple man; that maybe he isn't as smart or intelligent as an average person his age would be.

God started to break my heart.

What kinds of obstacles has this man been through? What kind of diversity has he faced? What hardships has he endured to be where he is right now? How many times has he been written off? How many times has he been laughed at, judged, ridiculed, dismissed?

But, the one question that summed it all - does he feel loved.

Then God turned me inward. How many times have I laughed at, judged, ridiculed, dismissed someone instead of loving them where they are?

You may say, "Sean, chill. Don't you think you are blowing this out of proportion - especially when you don't know the true story behind this guy?"

But, I say forget the man. The question is - how many times have I done something to someone other than love them where they are?

And the reality is, I have a handful of examples in the last week alone.

The scary part is, I didn't notice them until right now. Until God showed me using an example of someone else's (perceived) misfortune.

-

I didn't tell you the beginning of this story.

He walked in from outside and stood there a minute looking for somewhere to sit. The long table, which is usually used by people working on computers since power outlets are close by, had one seat open at the end across from a couple in their late 40s. The woman there was wearing a shirt that said "I'm a PC developer." They both had computers and were typing away and conversing about what they were working on. Again, just inference, but by her shirt and their focused discussion on their work led me to believe they were intelligent folks working on an important project like web development or design or something. Their stuff - purse, laptop bags, etc. - was kind of strewn across their side and across the halfway mark of the table. The man walked over to sit in the available seat, and as he stood behind the open chair, the couple glanced at each other and gave disgusted looks as to what he was thinking. They reluctantly nudged their belongings enough to fit a laptop in the empty space so he could sit down and said nothing but continued to work. Quietly the man sat and placed his laptop down, while the husband again pulled his case closer so it wouldn't be touched. The wife frowned a little and scoffed.

-

I know this reaction. I have done it many times. Instead of offering a seat at the table, I pass unjust judgement.

Why don't I notice this as a diseased condition of my heart? And how many other things do I not notice because I have my head down?

Maybe this man wasn't applying for a job at Mimi's. Maybe he was doing an online survey for the restaurant, and maybe the dictionary was there to look up how to spell hard words like 'baccalaureate', I don't know. What I do know is I fail to notice my sin and neglect to love when God tells us that without LOVE, everything is worthless (1 Corinthians 13).

God chose to wake me up today by showing me through a random person how broken I am. I get caught up in my life and constantly miss the grace that is ever present in every single situation. My plea to you guys is to slow down and think about where you are at right now. Are you aware of the grace surrounding you? Are you acting in love? Are you offering a seat at the table?

Thank God for showing me this today.

Take another 10 and read this blog post I read today that goes hand in hand with mine - http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/lay-aside-the-weight-of-discontentment

Now and later

I'm re-reading chapters in an incredible book that I 100% recommend to each of you who is reading this right now! The book is called 'Not By Sight' and it is written by Jon Bloom. Super cheap on Amazon. You won't be sorry.

There is a statement in here that hit me profoundly tonight. It reads, "much of the Christian life is spent trusting Jesus now and understanding him later."

I'm living this statement right now, and I can assume many of you are as well.

Isaiah 55:8-10 says "my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (ESV)

Another translation says it like this, "my ways are far beyond anything you can imagine."

When you come to the crossroads of faith and understanding, remember how the straight and narrow path is walked... 'Not By Sight' (applause for the sweet plug).

To break it down, according to the bible, there is a being outside of time who has always existed (never not existed, ever) from everlasting to everlasting, and he created beings and confined them to the boundaries of time and space which bind everything here on earth (including our minds, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc.). SO, to understand an infinite being who is FAR beyond our wildest imagination is quite impossible here on earth due to our boundaries: we literally cannot comprehend a being outside of time because time is our vehicle through life. It is like trying to understand a 18-wheel semi-truck when you've spent your whole life in a Prius, surrounded by other Prius', and never seeing a semi but only hearing that it exists. That is a dumbed down metaphor, obviously, but it drives (hehe) the point home I hope.

That leaves us with only one option: since we can't fully understand (fully, being 100% understood like 2+2=4), that leaves us with a percentage of understanding that can only be made up by faith that an answer exists and that it is good and just.

Welcome to the Christian life.

Remember this next time you come to those crossroads. Don't waste your faith on trying to understand fully what can't be fully understood right now.

Sow through tears; Reap with shouts of JOY!

It's been hard the last 2 months to get excited for things; to want to work, write, sing, play, create. I feel like the color in the world has become a mess of grays. Ever feel like that?

If you have, or are feeling like this, take 5 minutes and read this article. Then go sow. http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/taste-see-articles/talking-to-your-tears

Tears

Psalm 56:8 "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

2 Corinthians 7:10 "For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."

Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him..."

"My tears have been my food day and night"(Psalm 42:3), and boy am I full. But, have faith and take heart, because each tear is counted and recorded in our Savior's mighty book of life. Not a single drop shed is in vain or without purpose. Why? Because God created us with the ability to cry. He could have left that one out, but for his divine purpose he gave us tear ducts and feelings and pits in our stomach to drive us to tears. There is something incredibly beautiful about that truth.

As heart-wrenching as tears may seem at times, have faith that the one who is producing those tears inside of you has a created purpose with each one. He knows you inside and out, through and through, from beginning to end, and he knows EXACTLY what tears right now mean to next week and beyond. So cry, but cry to the Lord understanding that he isn't leaving you behind. He is right here right now, next to you holding your hand and feeling every sting in tandem with your heart beat.

John 11:35 "Jesus wept."

Waiting...

Have you ever wanted something so bad you can feel it down to your bones? Has there ever been an unknown in your life you constantly and persistently focus on? Have you ever lost sleep over something that isn't in your control at all, but no matter how hard you try you can't give it up?

If you said yes to any of these questions, this blog post is for you.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! (Psalm 27)

What does patience mean? What does waiting on the LORD mean? I'm currently in the thick of finding out exactly what the answer to these questions is.

You see, six months ago I decided to fast something very important to me for a year to get closer to Christ. Though this sounds incredible in writing, truthfully it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life.

I've noticed that when I fast, and I assume this is consistent with others, it brings out in me the desires and sins that pull me away from God. When you decide to give up something, your true heart behind that something is exposed. When you decide to fast food (no pun intended) for a period of time, you find out how much weight you give to those meals (again, no pun intended) and how much you rely on them for satisfaction, and in essence saving. If you love food too much, as you fast you can't stop thinking about that juicy cheeseburger, and as a result idols are brought to the surface you may not even have noticed were there.

Additionally, your trust is chained by that desire for your next meal. "God, if you just tell me that my next meal is happening on time and the way that I want it to, I'll trust you in these next couple hours to provide for me." Haven't we all thought something along those same lines before?

As a result, what started out as a worship commitment to Christ has turned into the catalyst for the repeal of your heart back to yourself and your own provision. "God, I know this is what will be my satisfaction, and as soon as I get it I will be able to worship you, but until then I'm going to give this my attention." Sound familiar?

My biggest issue through this fast has been trust. "Are you REALLY going to provide exactly what I need LORD, or should I rely on my own strength and wit to ensure that next meal? Can you just show me the plate, or even the menu so I can feel better about this? One french fry, that's all I need..."

The answer is: we don't walk by sight, we walk by faith.

This doesn't necessarily mean what we desire in our heart won't be the end result, it just means that as we walk by trusting Him and waiting on Him, we can let his perfect timing unfold into something more spectacular than what we have imagined. I so badly want that cheeseburger that I'm too nervous to trust Him for it, not knowing what he has for me is a three course steak dinner.

So I'll end with this: we are so used to seeing strength and courage within huge muscles and a six pack, a go-getum attitude, and a raw instinct to do it yourself, right? What God is saying to us is sometimes the strongest most courageous thing you can do, is to do nothing at all. For where does strength come from anyways? - "The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." Psalm 28:7

Ready For Love? PART 2

I found out this week that this show has been cancelled. If I'm honest, this makes me happy ha!

But, that isn't the point of PART 2. So, we shall move on.

I had a post for you guys, but I think I'd much rather you read this. This pretty much blows anything I could write out of the water:

Rich and Christy's story - excerpt from 'Boy Meets Girl' by Joshua Harris

After you read this, try thinking about what love really is.

In one of my favorite movies called Anchor Man (if you haven't seen it do it right now), in a hysterical scene a character named Brick names off things in an office that he loves. "I love lamp." THAT is the famous quote I use almost too much.

Hopefully without ruining the comedy of the movie, I think that is how we often approach love. It's objectified. We don't take the time to really experience true, romantic, engaging to the core love; instead, we settle for the simple lamp type of love that is fleeting and selfishly motivated, and in the end doesn't mean what we are saying. It wasn't designed that way, but in our sinfulness we have made it that way. Not always, but I have seen this pattern often.

So, should we pursue the "I love lamp" kind of love, or should we pursue the "I will do anything and everything to serve you for the rest of our lives" kind of love? I'm gonna say the second one.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The Storm I Need PART 2

"In God's design for our trials there is a place for real, authentic grieving and distress. But this experience is fundamentally altered from the way the world experiences these things. We see a design in it all. And so our root stays planted even though the branches thrash in the wind. And the leaves remain green and the fruit keeps growing because our roots go down by the stream of God's sovereign grace - and we trust him for a good design."

- John Piper, sermon

How often would you say that when you go through some sort of trial that the minute you ask God to "take this away" he snaps his fingers and you're home free?

For me, I'd say not often at all. And, for that I am truly grateful... sound crazy to you too?

My favorite story in the bible comes a few chapters after our first water experience with Jesus. In Matthew 14:22, the disciples again find themselves in a boat, in the middle of the sea, being "beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them" (14:24). They had been battling the wind and waves for a while because it says, "in the fourth watch of the night he (Jesus) came to them, walking on the sea." This freaked them out because they thought he was a ghost so they "cried out in fear"; understandable. I see a dude walking on water in a storm coming straight at the boat after hours of no sleep and physical exertion trying to stay afloat, I'd probably be thinking something along those same lines.

"Immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'take heart; it is I, Do not be afraid. (14:27)'" Then Peter asks Jesus to command him to come, walking on water, to where Jesus was standing. And Jesus said "come." So Peter got out of the boat, walked over to Jesus, but then saw the wind and the waves and started to sink into the water. "Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt? (14:33)'" So Jesus walked Peter back to the boat, they got in, and then the wind and waves ceased.

The disciples spent 3 watches of the night beating waves back from the boat and wrestling the sea before Jesus came to them; 3 long, exhausting watches. What should that say about God in the midst of our trials? My first observation of this passage is this: God allows us to go through trials and suffering. If we believe what the good book says about an all-knowing all-capable God, then we should understand that Christ knew exactly what was happening out there and he could have easily stepped in right away, or even rebuked the storm at the first hint of a breeze so the disciples wouldn't have been tossed around.

But James 1:2 tells us to "count it all joy, my brothers (and sisters), when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." God allows us to endure trials knowing that in the end, we will be all the more steadfast in faith, and that will bring the most glory to the Father which is the ultimate goal in our walk.

May I quickly point out that God wasn't absent in their 3 watches; God provided the strength for each row, each deep gasp of breath, and kept them afloat safely above the water. Don't ever forget that!

My second observation is what happened to Peter as he was walking toward's Jesus. As his eyes were fixed upon his savior, he was stepping firm on top of the water. But, the minute he took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the wind and waves he started to sink and cried out, "Lord save me!" (Matt 14:30). As long as we fix our eyes on the one who saves, we can be assured that we are safe no matter the circumstance.

But let's continue digging: Peter started to sink and cried out, "Lord save me!". What is interesting is that he had enough time to say that whole phrase without going head under. What this has to mean is that Jesus was allowing Peter to sink SLOWLY! If that doesn't blow your mind right away, take a few minutes and think about it - the physics of walking on water, and the metaphors surrounding the entire event. Why did Christ allow him to sink slowly instead of letting him submerge instantly? I'm betting that it was a way to show Peter, in a trial-filled situation, how much Christ was actually in control. Sinking inevitably lead Peter to cry out knowing full well that Christ was the only one who could save him.

Sometimes we are called to walk on water in the middle of a storm. As we do, we can either focus on the one calling us understanding he has the power to see us through to the end, or we can become distracted by the wind and waves around us and start to sink.

•   •   •

We can be assured that we will see trials and sufferings of various kinds in this life, we were never promised the easy road (Matthew 7:14). But, we can be encouraged that every trial is designed by God himself, and that through our suffering we are molded and shaped by his hands so we can better endure, through steadfastness, a faith in Christ. Count every trial as a blessing, because it means God loves you and is interested in creating a more complete you through your suffering.

Steel is refined by the fire.